Rednecks In The Mist

Kathleen and I went shopping tonight and I felt like Dian Fossey . . . except all my gorillas had racing paraphenalia on and wielded carts like four-wheeled light sabers. It was like a National Geographic educational movie. I was attacked by no less than 4 cart wielding hicks. Why is it that people who shop at Wal-Mart feel as though the usual rules of the physical universe do not apply as long as they have a cart? I can't count the number of times I would be stationary and someone would come trucking down the aisle and make as if to either run me down or pass through me like a specter. Have these people never learned about allowing others their personal space. If you are less than four inches away from me at anytime you had better be performing CPR or fucking me otherwise BACK THE HELL UP. I truly feared not only for my life but also for the future of the species (humans not gorillas). Is this what we have come to? Running over each other in a discount store without even apologizing? The planet is truly doomed. In order to recover from the trauma Kathleen and I immediately went to Chili's and got drunk.