Bonfire and Epiphany
The other evening I had an epiphany. I was standing at the fire alternately making small talk and watching the mating display of the barterbreeder males and someting occurred to me . . . it was the first time in quite a while that I didn't feel like the group was dividing into armed camps. One side hating the other. Now certainly we have had a recent development that greatly overshadowed any petty disagreements the hoi poloi may have. But I keep having this sneaking suspicion that it wasn't the people there who had changed but my perspective. My perspective had changed because of who or who I wasn't socializing with. It is amazing how a single person can warp other people's perceptions.
I am dreadfully naive when it comes to other people's agendas, I always have been. I approach friendships with a frightening innocence. So it always takes me by surprise when I realize someone is using me. It's sad when you realize a person that you care for deeply is bad for you. I came to that realization at the bonfire. I think I have known this for a while but haven't truly admitted it to myself until now.
As for the mating displays . . . oy . . . I should write a book. It was kind of fun to watch, fun like a 50's carnival side show, you know it is cruel and inhuman but you pay a nickel to watch anyway. On the plus side for the evening I spoke with an old friend I hadn't spoken with in a long time and we realized how much we miss each other. It makes me sad and angry to think how easily I allowed myself to become hijacked by bitterness and negativity last year.
To my english major friends or students of the greek language I know saying "the hoi polloi" is redundant, like saying "PIN Number" but it just sounded weird with out the article.
I am dreadfully naive when it comes to other people's agendas, I always have been. I approach friendships with a frightening innocence. So it always takes me by surprise when I realize someone is using me. It's sad when you realize a person that you care for deeply is bad for you. I came to that realization at the bonfire. I think I have known this for a while but haven't truly admitted it to myself until now.
As for the mating displays . . . oy . . . I should write a book. It was kind of fun to watch, fun like a 50's carnival side show, you know it is cruel and inhuman but you pay a nickel to watch anyway. On the plus side for the evening I spoke with an old friend I hadn't spoken with in a long time and we realized how much we miss each other. It makes me sad and angry to think how easily I allowed myself to become hijacked by bitterness and negativity last year.
To my english major friends or students of the greek language I know saying "the hoi polloi" is redundant, like saying "PIN Number" but it just sounded weird with out the article.
posted by JohnXIV at 3:00 AM
2 Comments:
well, i for one find your innocence in friend finding completely refreshing. it's so nice to just chat without some agenda. . . like you, i usually sit back and watch the rituals, the agendas that people sometimes approach me with totally make me feel uncomfortable. . . .
the change away from negativity sounds good. i hope it lasts awhile. . . .
It's definately your perspective that's changed and not the people. That "single person" is better at warping peoples perceptions than anyone I've ever met. But, I think we allow it. You are not allowing it anymore. You're my hero!
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